Friday, February 10, 2012

farewell.

I have been mulling over some various things for a long time now in regards to this blog, I would say off and on for about a year.

There are many things I love about it - the feeling of staying connected, as well as using it as a way for me to document my life and remember how I'm feeling in particular moments.

However, as time has gone by, I've realized there are a lot of negative things about it as well. Slowly but surely it has started to rob me of the joy I should be experiencing in my life. It's led to feelings of guilt (for when I don't post), inadequacy (from comparing myself to other people & their blogs), and neglect of my relationship with God (because I get so caught in in my life).

The more I read other blogs (ones I truly enjoy and that encourage me), the worse I would start to feel about my own life. I'm not a wife, mother, missionary, crafter, photographer, foodie or baker, there's nothing really exotic about me at all. I'm just an average, ordinary girl. I'm beginning to realize there's nothing wrong with that; but for a long time I felt like less of a person because I didn't fit into those specific roles. I didn't feel like I fit anywhere, and therefore didn't have a voice.

The second reason I've decided to end this (maybe it should have been the first) is to grow closer to God. This blog allowed me to focus on me, what's going on in my life, things I'm doing. I read other blogs about people that have amazing relationships with God and I feel incredibly encouraged by them - I hope they keep blogging! However, personally, I get way too involved in myself and start to ignore the most important relationship in my life.

The third reason also has to do with relationships. It's been said over and over again that the more connected we are to technology, the more disconnected our reality is. I want my family and friends to know what's going on in my life, but I no longer want to passively tell everyone these things. I want to have an active relationship with them, where we speak with each other be it face to face, on the phone, in notes and letters, or whatever. I want to have stories to tell people when I see them, not just have them hear about them on my blog.

The last reason is that the very thing I enjoy about this blog, the journalling, is also a negative. I hardly ever write in my actual journals anymore, even though there's a lot of stuff I want to record that I don't put here. But I feel like since I have this blog, I don't need to write privately. I love the idea of my great-grandchildren one day finding my old journals in a trunk somewhere and reading about what life was like growing up for me (like what life without Google was, or what is was like to wait for your favourite song to come on the radio so you could record it to a cassette!).

So, there it is. As Shelby in Steel Magnolias said, "I feel the need to make things as simple as possible." I want to increase my creativity in my real life, enjoy relationships with my friends and family more, and spend more time with God, listening to what He wants for my life, not the other way around. I think by removing this aspect of my life I will finally be able to find my own identity in Christ, and not worry so much about what others think of me.

I will still be on facebook, and might actually start using my flickr account to post photos ;) If you like, you can also follow my Instagram feed @katfalk.

Thank you for listening to me the past 3 years, and reading through 308 posts of my life. (If you actually read all of them, you get a gold internet star! :) I've truly loved doing this, and have found some amazing people and will continue to be encouraged by their blogs.

All the best,

~ Kat

1 comment:

  1. i admire your courage in taking charge of your life and for making the decision that is best for you and your walk with the Lord! 2 years ago i took a big step back from blogging and disabled my comments for almost 2 years, to be sure i was listening to the Lord and not people. so that was what was needed then and i treasure that time and don't regret it one bit!

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