Friday, February 10, 2012

farewell.

I have been mulling over some various things for a long time now in regards to this blog, I would say off and on for about a year.

There are many things I love about it - the feeling of staying connected, as well as using it as a way for me to document my life and remember how I'm feeling in particular moments.

However, as time has gone by, I've realized there are a lot of negative things about it as well. Slowly but surely it has started to rob me of the joy I should be experiencing in my life. It's led to feelings of guilt (for when I don't post), inadequacy (from comparing myself to other people & their blogs), and neglect of my relationship with God (because I get so caught in in my life).

The more I read other blogs (ones I truly enjoy and that encourage me), the worse I would start to feel about my own life. I'm not a wife, mother, missionary, crafter, photographer, foodie or baker, there's nothing really exotic about me at all. I'm just an average, ordinary girl. I'm beginning to realize there's nothing wrong with that; but for a long time I felt like less of a person because I didn't fit into those specific roles. I didn't feel like I fit anywhere, and therefore didn't have a voice.

The second reason I've decided to end this (maybe it should have been the first) is to grow closer to God. This blog allowed me to focus on me, what's going on in my life, things I'm doing. I read other blogs about people that have amazing relationships with God and I feel incredibly encouraged by them - I hope they keep blogging! However, personally, I get way too involved in myself and start to ignore the most important relationship in my life.

The third reason also has to do with relationships. It's been said over and over again that the more connected we are to technology, the more disconnected our reality is. I want my family and friends to know what's going on in my life, but I no longer want to passively tell everyone these things. I want to have an active relationship with them, where we speak with each other be it face to face, on the phone, in notes and letters, or whatever. I want to have stories to tell people when I see them, not just have them hear about them on my blog.

The last reason is that the very thing I enjoy about this blog, the journalling, is also a negative. I hardly ever write in my actual journals anymore, even though there's a lot of stuff I want to record that I don't put here. But I feel like since I have this blog, I don't need to write privately. I love the idea of my great-grandchildren one day finding my old journals in a trunk somewhere and reading about what life was like growing up for me (like what life without Google was, or what is was like to wait for your favourite song to come on the radio so you could record it to a cassette!).

So, there it is. As Shelby in Steel Magnolias said, "I feel the need to make things as simple as possible." I want to increase my creativity in my real life, enjoy relationships with my friends and family more, and spend more time with God, listening to what He wants for my life, not the other way around. I think by removing this aspect of my life I will finally be able to find my own identity in Christ, and not worry so much about what others think of me.

I will still be on facebook, and might actually start using my flickr account to post photos ;) If you like, you can also follow my Instagram feed @katfalk.

Thank you for listening to me the past 3 years, and reading through 308 posts of my life. (If you actually read all of them, you get a gold internet star! :) I've truly loved doing this, and have found some amazing people and will continue to be encouraged by their blogs.

All the best,

~ Kat

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

can i just say

I love my friends. I really do. They are just the bestest.

I met with my BFF Robyn yesterday at The White Spot, which is super appropriate because we were meeting to plan our annual Vancouver trip! (The White Spot is a western Canada chain, and there are a billion of them on the coast, since it started in Vancouver.)

Robyn on our 2008 trip

This trip is going to be fantastic! There are SO many things I am excited to see and do, but I'm also excited for the chance to do this trip again with one of the few people in the world I look forward to spending 12+ hours in a car with :) We've done this trip since 2008 (except, for some reason in 2010. Which I didn't even realize until now when I went hunting for a photo. I'm not convinced we didn't go, since I can't figure out a reason why we wouldn't have.) And every year I get this sinking feeling that it might be the last year. I try not to expect it'll happen. Maybe because I'm the perpetually single friend and I'm scared my married friends will no longer have time for me.

(Note: That previous comment is not intended to be a fact; I am not abandoned by any of my married friends! I totally realize husbands and children come first, and I am so not trying to make you feel bad for anything! These things just happen as we get older & our lives change and I'm sure one day I'll find that out first-hand :)

Me chowing down on ice cream in 2008

So when she brought up our trip to the coast, I immediately set to making lists and costing things out :) (I love a good reason for a spreadsheet!) We are both trying to stick to a budget this year, since last year kind of went off the rails...in a good way. We had fun, it was just expensive fun!


Teeny tiny Robyn on the beach...for some reason the only photo of her I could find from 2009.

I won't go into detail about our trip, it's a surprise for later ;) Besides, nothing's for certain and I'd rather wait and tell you about it what we did, not what we were going to do but never got around to doing it.

Me...YES I AM DEATHLY PALE & MY ARM BLENDS INTO MY SHIRT! WHATEVER!

This year is going to be a little more interesting because we've made a little weight wager. We both want to lose some weight and decided to put our money where our mouth is. Robyn started it; I'm going to be reminding her of that for the next 5 months. After we decided the terms of our bet we both kind of looked at each other with that look of "What did we just do exactly?!?!" So we'll see how this goes ;)

Us in sunshiny 2011!

If this trip is half as much fun as our planning session was, it's going to be great! I can't believe how much this friend of mine makes me laugh!



P.S. I just noticed that my hair is nearly the exact same length in all of these pictures. I swear these were all taken in different years, I apparently have a habit of cutting off my hair in the summer!

Monday, January 30, 2012

quiet

Life has been kind of quiet/hectic lately, hence the lack of posting. Hectic because I've been busy almost every. single. day. But quiet because it's not really the most exciting business, just...life. My mom stayed at my house for a couple nights while she helped out my sister during the day. We had some fun and she treated me to Sodajerks :)

I love this stuff, it tastes just like those Coca-cola candies :)
I also got to visit my niece!  I had a Saturday afternoon cuddle with her.


 


 

That last one was actually taken by my sister earlier this week...but it was too cute not to include ;) Plus, she slept the whole time I held her and I wanted to show off those big blue eyes :D

My former roommate also came over Saturday night for a Harry Potter movie night. I made dinner and we took it downstairs to eat, but decided to be civilized & eat at a table.


My brother's table is usually tucked in the corner of the basement, but we dragged it into the middle for our meal. It felt kind of funny, but it did the trick :) Plus, we didn't get super messy from trying to balance plates on our laps.

And yesterday I took a lovely walk to the river valley. On the way back I heard something behind me and when I looked around thought I saw an off-leash dog. And no owner. Yeah, it was a coyote. I started walking a bit faster and was grateful to see some people walking my direction :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

finally!

Last night was historic my friends. After 25 years of struggle, I can finally say that................I beat my sister at Dutch Blitz :)


She's always bested me at this, since we were little. Of course, she was 4 years older and therefore had a slight advantage. Until last night, when I totally owned her.

In other news, my brother's bread machine hates me. I've attempted 2 loaves of bread in that dumb thing, and this is what happened:


Then, he tries the exact same recipe and ends of with this:


WTF you stupid bread machine?! How in the world does this happen? I give up. I told him that he's making the bread from now on, I quit.

Monday, January 16, 2012

winter has come

We were blessed with some snow, finally. As well as everyone on the west coast, judging from facebook statuses.

This is news because I live on the prairies; last year we had a solid 3 feet of snow in our backyard for at least 4 months. The city snow removal crews created the largest ever "snow mountain", which finally completely melted in September. Yes, September.

So this has been a strange winter - temperatures around +10 C, no snow on the ground, wearing light fall jackets everyday (sometimes no jacket!), it's been odd indeed. Until this morning.

I'm not sure how much we got, but my neighborhood is blanketed. Some areas it's only a couple of inches, some drifts are a foot tall. After shoveling the sidewalk, I decided it seemed like a good day to take to the trails and enjoy the newly white surroundings.

Well. Within about 3 minutes I wished I had put on long johns and a scarf. Thankfully I remembered a toque and some warm mittens. But the wind - oh my, I had forgotten all about wind chill. I'm still waiting for the feeling to come back to my legs.

And walking in snow is something I am just not used too. I definitely got a good workout from that alone. It's a little like running on sand, only with big heavy boots on your feet.

All in all though, there were good moments. Like being the first to step in a blank white sheet of snow. What is that urge? That urge to ruin an expanse of perfection with your own footprints? Whatever that is, it's something I don't take for granted anymore. Growing up on a farm, it was easy to be the first one out there in the snow - my parents didn't really take to running across the yard unless the cows were out. But in the city it's a little different.

And the quiet. Some might think it's eerie when the city can be so quiet. I relish it. When I am up at the top of the river valley, looking down to the houses below, across the river to downtown, it's magical how the noise just disappears. It's as if everyone knows it's a day for staying home, making a pot of tea, and curling up with a good book.

(I was also thankful when no one was around to watch me wipe out. Twice. It's easy to forget that underneath all that snow is a month-old layer of solid ice.  That plus my zero-traction knockoff UGG boots from Costco was just not a good combination.)

I left my phone at home & didn't take a camera, so I have no pictures to show you. But you can't really capture the kind of quiet beauty that is a gentle snowfall. It's something to be experienced, not observed.